No Children

I don’t have any kids and don’t anticipate having any at this point. In the deep recesses of my soul, I  knew I didn’t have the nurturing spirit and the energy that a child needs. I’d probably do better at it now than I would have when I was younger but when I see how frustrated I get when my cat is needy I don’t think I have it in me to be a good parent. Not everyone is cut out to be parents and I think that is something that few people think about. There is the pressure to continue the line and I think fear is a small motivator in that if you have children there is someone to take care of you in your old age (certainly more so in other countries without retirement plans). I also think it is sort of expected that if you are married you will have children. Thank goodness there are choices on this issue today.

About 15 years ago, my grandmother told me that I was a  disappointment to her because I am the oldest of her grandchildren and I didn’t have any children. It was one of her life goals to live long enough to see her great grandchildren.  She had to wait for the youngest grandchild to do it. Out of 5 of us, he is the only one with kids. My brother and I are neither married or have kids. Out of my cousins, one hasn’t been able to have kids and the other was diabetic and couldn’t have kids. So my grandmother waited a long time. I was hurt by that statement at the time, but I realized that perhaps her life goal shouldn’t have relied on the cooperation of other people since she is powerless over people, places, and things. I am not responsible for her life goals.

There are times when I feel some small regret that I did not have the experience of children. There are other times when I see the pain children inflict and I’m glad I don’t have any. I am also glad that I did not pass on the dysfunction and rage that was given to me and that was a primary goal. I was afraid I would act like my father and hurt them the way I was hurt. It has stopped with me and so far it has stopped with my brother.

Since life is full of uncertainties, there is no guarantee that if I had children that they would continue the line. Nor is there any certainty that they would be around or willing to take care of me when I am old so those weren’t that strong a motivation for me.

I also see a bigger picture around this issue. There are 6 billion people in this world and the population continues to grow by leaps and bounds. There have been 5 extinctions in the history of the Earth and we are in the sixth extinction  now because the habitats of other animals are being taken over by humans. We want the animals to survive but not enough to control our population.  Population control means there would be some hard choices that go against many deeply held beliefs about and around children. Children are the life blood and we will not continue as a species without them. However, if our population grows too much and we are too cramped, then what? Can the Earth support 6+ billion people? 10 billion? and on and on and on. I do not have a good feeling about this. I am someone who likes open spaces and not being too cramped. Is this a choice that will disappear? I don’t know.  Time will tell.

Not an upbeat ending, but not everything in life is upbeat. I guess for me the thing that gives me comfort, being a geologist, is that life has survived the extinctions and blossomed again. It’s different (e.g., the world of mammals when the dinosaurs were destroyed by the meteorite at the end of the Cretaceous) when it blossoms, but I believe life will continue on this planet. Whether we are around to see it or not is a good question, but life is tenacious and persistent and seems to survive under the most amazing conditions and that gives me a sense of hope. The Earth has seen much change and those changes have been extreme. Short of the Earth completely exploding apart, I think life will renew itself as long as their is an atmosphere to protect it. The universe is an amazing thing.

Love and peace,

Karen