My personal thoughts and lessons learned:
Anything that isn't love is fear.
You spend your life running from all the gifts that are presented to you all because of fear.
Fear that you may actually get what you want. Fear that you won't get what you want. Fear that something better is out there than what you have. Fear that you may not be able to give what is needed from others...
The answer is love...
Love yourself, friends, family and lovers...everyone. If you come from a place of love...you will find peace and happiness. It is that simple... Stop looking for what you can get and start giving. When you can accomplish that, you will feel fulfilled. We have to repro gram our minds. Erase the hard drive of all the negative stuff stored in your mind that has caused you pain and suffering and fill it with pleasant thoughts. It starts with you. Until you can accept and truly love yourself...you will never be able to truly love and accept another person as they are. Deep down underneath...we are all one.
Happiness is a choice. You can wake up in the morning and think of all the reasons to be grateful and happy or not. It is up to you. I am not saying that some events won't bring you sadness...just try your best to not dwell on those things. Look for the things that will uplift your soul.
I've learned a lot and it took me 33 years. I've learned that when most of the 'stuff' comes up is when a person is romantically involved. Maybe it is because we are all mirror images of each other. What I do know is that when the most 'stuff' comes up...that is when there is the most healing that needs t o be done. It isn't necessarily a bad thing. If you can weather those storms...imagine what kind of love you can have through healing together and seeing each other through to the other side. I've seen it done and it is a wonderful thing to witness. It is what gives me faith. No - it isn't the perfect fairy tale, but I know it to be an unbreakable bond. I have faith that everything I need will be provided for me if I have patience and live with love. I always remember that I am never done working on me. I have to do it everyday.