My CoDA Recovery

MY CODA RECOVERY!

After I retired in 2000 I found life not as serene as I had hoped! Things became totally unmanageable when one of my four children married an "actively using" crack addict and alcoholic. She was a beautiful woman, whom he had known and loved for 10 years, and finally married at age 38! My husband and I were so hopeful for him -- he is spiritual, artistic, caring, handsome, and a wonderful son! Because he suffers from "schizo-affective" disorder, we all had been through much suffering and felt he deserved every happiness! She told me about her PAST struggle with addictions -- but assured us that this phase of her life happened LONG AGO! She had a 3-year old daughter -- who was to become our step grandchild. Our son was in DENIAL of the dangers and consequences of her -- still active addictions --.

After a few months of marriage our son returned home -- traumatized and unable to talk about his marriage! He could not cope with her addicted and abusive behavior towards him and her daughter.

I felt I badly needed "coping strategies.” Our son had rented his condo out after he got married, and so he was "homeless" back at our home -- after 10 years of independent living! It took a year for him to be able to move out! My HUSBAND seriously considered "GIVING up" on our MARRIAGE, because the relentless STRESS from 2001 to 2004 caused me to make a serious SUICIDE attempt. The police found me, and took me to the hospital where Electric Shock treatment helped me turn this episode of "PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder" and serious DEPRESSION around. After their divorce she continued to involve me, and the constant STRESS of having to deal with BOTH of them -- and their conflict -- led me to seek help -- by attending CODA (Co-Dependents Anonymous). And, with the help of CoDA support meetings, I fully recovered!!

I appreciate the presence, wisdom and patient "Listening" of the people in my CoDA groups, who allowed me to tell the TRUTH about my disappointment, fear, anger and frustration with the situation I found myself in. -- My therapist stated that my miraculous recovery is MAINLY due to the CODA meetings, and 12-step process!!

What are the Healing and Recovery SECRETS of the CODA meetings I attended? Based on the Wisdom and Power of the CoDA guidelines, I can observe several PRINCIPLES that seem to work for so many who "work the 12 steps". At CODA meetings people share the TRUTH about their feelings and struggles. We trust in a "Higher Power of our OWN understanding" to want the BEST for us. We share our EXPERIENCE, STRENGTH AND HOPE! I always feel GOD's presence at these meetings, and feel refreshed and energized when I leave. We respect the ANONYMITY of each person by using FIRST NAMES only, and by NOT discussing people or their sharing outside of meetings. (We say: “What you see here, let it STAY here!”) There is NO "CROSSTALK" which means each person can share 3-6 minutes without INTERRUPTION, CRITICISM, ADVICE -- or even FEEDBACK! There is a RESPECT that each person can, and will, find their own way, and so I have learned attentive LISTENING! A loving "HIGHER POWER' is directing the meetings! (Some turn to a SPONSOR for their step-work). There is POWER in these 12 steps -- which can be applied to various addictions and DYSFUNCTIONAL BEHAVIORS.

I am also learning to set BOUNDARIES, became a better LISTENER, and found much wisdom in CODA LITERATURE! I have developed better RELATIONSHIP SKILLS, made new, wonderful FRIENDS, and discovered many new COPING STRATEGIES that give me peace, serenity, and enjoyment of living. At 70, I can look forward to a fulfilling FUTURE and AGING, and hope to attend these meetings for the rest of my life! My husband, four adult children and five grandchildren noticed and praised my GROWTH, renewed ENERGY, PEACE and JOY!

Claudia